One day I may understand myself, and why I do the things that I do each day that "do not" have any eternal significance. For now all I can say is that God is guiding me towards the ultimate goal He has for my life. Even through my failures He is guiding me, and as I read His Word each day I am able to see that what I really need is Him.
"For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints..." (Ephesians 1:15-18 ESV)
With each failure I fall, and with each triumph I stand. A novel concept, but I concept that I have to remind myself about each day. Though the failures I learn to stand taller when I succeed in doing exactly what He wants for me. In my short life I have learned at least that lesson that with each failure I understand, and enjoy the successes that much more. Lately it has been hard to see those successes, because with each push forward I have been taken two steps back and the bitterness towards my life has grown. It caused me to react out of my flesh, and not see the actions that were polluting my thoughts. A negative heart definitely does spoil the eyes to see. What I needed was to encourage myself, and it was all of these incidents at work that made me dig deeper into the Word to find and see the hope that I should have had through all of this.
Fail and Fall
I think God allows us to fall so that we might see Him more clearly, and understand the grace that we've received when we came to know Him. The Israelites walked the desert for 40 years in order to see their God more clearly, and truly follow after Him. The amount of times I have screwed up is incalculable, but I know God knows each and every one, and because I am covered in the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, I am forgiven. Are you forgiven? It took me years of walking the narrow road with several bounces off the thorn bushes lining the road to be able to answer that question. I was so uncertain about where I was going in the end, and through that I thought that my failures kept me from His salvation. It was a lie I was believing, and is one that I know so many other Christians believe.
We fail all the time, sure, but it is because of our failures that we are granted freedom when we follow after Jesus. We were all sinners and at times we still are, and it is through the love, grace, and mercy of Our Lord, Jesus Christ that brings us to our knees with thankful hearts. Each day we are lifted free by that sacrifice that He made for us. A sacrifice that He didn't have to make, but He did in order to save you from the flames of judgement. It is His mercy that has made us free for all those who believe. "Beautiful Lord" by Leeland is a great song that talks about that grace that was poured out for us, and I encourage you to listen to it, but more importantly let the words sink in.
I want to ask you this question. How can you stand here with Him, and not be moved? When you go home from Church does your heart thirst to know more about Him? As you work hard at your job, do ever feel compelled to stop and thank God for you job? For your family? For your salvation?